"Grief is when the veil between self and spirit is the thinnest" - Antonio Sausys
This morning I woke up with the inexplicable urge to get up and greet the sunrise. I walked down the hill to the lake where a thick fog was just beginning to lift. The sun was persisting to break through, it’s light reflecting off the cloud-like haze that blanketed the water. Ever since I was a kid I loved to swim, so I got down to my underwear and jumped right in. It was cold. That brain-freeze cold, take-your-breath-away cold that numbs your body. I dove under and swam around for awhile, bearing the intensity of the sensations. Not because I’m crazy or enjoy pain. But because I knew when I got out and slipped back into my cozy warm clothes, I’d feel fantastic; refreshed, reinvigorated, alive! And I did.
If only I always had this perspective. That yes, life can be painful, almost unbearable at times. It can numb your mind, cloud your reality.
I realized I have two choices. One, I can sit by the edge and wait for the fog to clear. And yes, the sun will eventually rise - as it always does and always will. After dark comes light, and then dark again. One can’t stay sad forever, nor can one stay happy forever. It’s just not possible. So when life’s miserable, don’t worry, it will be good again. When life is wonderful, be grateful and appreciate every moment, as it won’t always be.
But then there is also a second option. Do I sit by the edge and wait, or do I dive in, dig deep, and bear with all the pain, the vulnerability, the struggle that comes with acknowledging and really processing all of it? All the sadness, anger, guilt, and anxiety, all the things that hide beneath the surface of my mind and heart?
Because it is by doing this, and only by doing this, that we come up for air transformed, cleansed… inspired! The veil is lifted and we are filled with the knowledge that what is always existing unchanged within is Spirit, which remains connected with those who have gone from our physical world. I can see with new eyes, feel with a new body, and love with a whole heart, and yet my love for Landon will never diminish.